Sometimes Ms. Peri is a lot better at offering advice than she is at taking it. And sometimes the universe gives Ms. Peri a huge smackdown, just to get her attention.A few weeks ago, I realized that I was drifting. I had several writing projects under way, and I was splintered in a dozen different directions. I wasn't focusing on the goals I'd set and more than a few friends advised me to slow down, take a deep breath and force myself to answer the question, "What do you want?"
But I didn't.
Why? Well, because I'm Ms. Peri, and I can do it all. And because if I don't commit, I'll never fail...and Ms. Peri does not like to fail.
Smart move, right?
Apparently the universal powers that be (UPTB) did not agree.
First, they tried a friendly nudge. A local professional organization nominated me for PR person of the year. It was a huge honor but throughout the process I kept hearing a little voice asking, "Is this what you want? Is this it?"
Dealing with those issues was inconvenient and the little voice was a nag, so I blew it off...even though I knew that PR, at least this year, is my bread-and-butter, not my heart and soul.
I didn't decline the nomination, but I didn't fully engage in the process either. I just went with the flow. I didn't commit.
Clearly dissatisfied with that approach, the UPTB opted for a shove.
Today, my job-share arrangement at a local magazine ended without warning. Whoosh! One more item off my plate.
While I was listening to my boss tell my work share partner and me that we were fired, that darn little voice came back and asked, "What do you want? What do you really want?"
Apparently, I am destined to answer this question one way or the other. I'll either suck it up and commit to something or, one by one, my diversions will be waved in my face or be taken away.
Not to bring age into the equation, but I think the UPTB are trying to tell me that I'm too old to be so ambivalent.
Life is interesting, isn't it?
Playing on iTunes right now: Everything by Michael Buble. I LOVE this song!
2 comments:
Ms. Peri sounds an awfully lot like me. :)
I got a dreamy prestigious job last year but my heart wasn't in it because it took me away from my passion. I was only half-there.
Now I'm trying to figure out how to strike the balance between the job that pays the bills and my creativity, which is probably why I'm all over the place creatively.
Great post - very timely.
Thank you, Kathy!
Until recently, I believed "coming into my own" and "reinventing myself" would be as easy as it appears in the movies. (Particularly those Ashley Judd woman-in-distress movies!)
I never realized it would be this hard or that deciding to make a change meant I'd also have to make choices. And take chances. And be embarrassed. And sometimes fail.
It's a rocky road, isn't it?
Don't know if it will help, but I'm sending positive cybervibes your way to counter the creativity lull. Don't give up!
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